alonei’ve been thinking about my single status a bit more than usual recently.  while i don’t think it’s because of any single factor, i think it’s a combination of things including the holidays (which always have a way of making me feel lonely), my best friend’s wedding (which was great fun, by the way), and that i tend to go through cycles and i’d been in a pretty content cycle for awhile.  

anyway, i don’t have any intention of putting self-obsessed, whiny, why me posts up here.  first off because i think that we’ve gotta work with what we’re dealt.  and second because i think there’s a lot of value in being single.  and, unfortunately, the church has largely done a crappy job at making marriage an expectation rather than a gift.  but all that’s for another post.

one of the things that i was thinking of through all of this was how very little there is out there from folks walking through singleness.  there seems to be plenty of books written by now happily married people, advising single people how to be contentedly single.  which seems a tad ironic.  and there’s lots of stuff for people that are married…young married’s classes, marriage retreats, etc.  but what about those of us that, while being willing to pursue a relationship, don’t feel the need to have it be our all consuming focus.  but still need help processing, living, thinking in balanced ways.  so i’d thought maybe it would be a topic worth posting about occasionally on here.  not because i have much of anything sorted out, but maybe just for others to empathize with.

but i kind of put it on the back burner until today when, while searching for an article about Snow Patrol, i stumbled across this article on Relevant.  i thought it was really freeing.  maybe a bit self-centered at times, but actually pretty balanced if you read the whole thing.  and really, really freeing.  anyway…if you’re single & are looking for a bit of encouragement, i hope you’ll enjoy this.


4 Responses to single

  1. Tim says:

    “unfortunately, the church has largely done a crappy job at making marriage an expectation rather than a gift.” – very true.
    I haven’t read it but I just read on friend Evan’s blog that he finished reading Rob Bell’s Sex God and he said this: “The book isn’t necessarily meant to be a book on marriage, but it still works. Young adult groups may also benefit since the book offers a more rounded view of sex, in that, it promotes connection between humans with humans, humans with God, etc., and that does not have to happen through marriage and physical sex. Bell (who is married) takes a whole chapter to explain how biblically marriage is almost a “if-you-have-to” option compared to the preferred option of singleness in order to work for the Lord. As you can see, I liked it.” (from

    I have complained for a while that I don’t read enough books by women or by singles. (Yes, I know of Karen Sloan, Ann Lammott, Lauren Winner …) I’m curious, do singles want to read books by singles? What should I recommend for singles pertaining to the subject? Further, what advice should I give to singles who A, do want to be married. B. don’t want to be married (yet) or have no problem that they are single but are frustrated with how the church tends to marginalize them. What do they need to hear? C. Do singles want a singles ministry or be a part of a healthy and inclusive young adult ministry? D. How can the church better serve singles? E. What question have I not asked that I should have?
    9You are inspiring me to create my own blog post about this.)

    Enjoyed the Relevant article. Appreciated the disclaimer you used about a bit self-centered but I thought Misty wrote a great article regarding the subject within the context.

  2. joeldaniel says:

    great thoughts & questions. if i can, i want to break down your questions & answer them (ha…or at least create more questions ; ) in a few posts. i think this is a topic worth delving deeper into and, according to my stats page, a pretty hot topic as well (3x more hits on this post than anything else i’ve done so far on here). and i think your questions are some great jumping off points, so stay tuned. : )

  3. mattwiggins says:

    “my best friend’s wedding”

    That’s what you get for watching chick flicks.

  4. joeldaniel says:

    lol. never even seen it.

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